Regular readers of this blog are familiar with my mum
and are used to the crazy shit she says “mummisms” as I call then
Who could forget the Northwest Tour last year?
When she asked,
“do my legs look swollen to you?
I think I may have fluid retrenchment”
And then when she accused Dad of,
“Seeing the world through rose coloured dentures”
Oh yeah – she comes up with some winners
I told her today, you may only be funny once a year
But when you’re funny you are fucking hysterical hilarious
I give you today’s conversation
mum: Did you see that story about Susan Boyle ?
me: yeah I put her video up on the webpage
mum: I’d like to do that
me: What?
mum: Get up and sing like that and really surprise everyone. Maybe on Australian Idol or something
me: ummm.. you might have missed the boat on that one. By about 30 years
mum: I would be great – I’d do pretty well I reckon
It must be noted that at this point, Dad & Holly are pissing themselves in the front seat
me: You reckon you could win it all mum?
mum: You never know
me: You’d have to suck a lot of savs to get anywhere I reckon
Now the 3 of us are pissing ourselves
Not mum
mum: What?
What did you just say?
I’m your mother and that’s disgusting.
Sucking penis’
Silence
I’m waiting to be told off some more
mum: Hmmm…
Well I guess it would depend.
Who would the judges be?
Hey Dad – maybe you’re not the problem child after all
I love Mum! Tell her, it’s her fantasy…who would you like to judge you?