people watching

I know a lot of people hate airports

My husband is one of them

Maybe hate is not the right word

More like, would do happy, naked cartwheels if he never had to go to another airport ever

Me – I love ’em

As long as I have enough time and am not rushed because I am such an unorganised cow or running late

Once I’m through all the bullshit security (nothing like getting felt up patted down by some big hairy woman who hates the world – although I believe that’s ’cause her uniform is 5 sizes too SMALL!) I like to grab a coffee and just settle back and observe

Observe being code for eavesdrop, stare & try not get caught

Dad and I used to have this game we played years ago when we’d have lunch at a cafe in our local mall

We called it, ‘imagine them fucking doing it’

We’d watch couples walking past and try to imagine them in bed together.

Now I know you probably thinking, okee-dokee you pair of sickos – but it was a seriously funny way to pass the time

Example:

Two old people who look like they can’t stand the sight of each other. I can’t even imagine them talking to each other let alone doing the nasty

Then there was always the odd couple:

The massively overweight woman holding hands with the skinniest little man you’ve ever seen. How does that work? I mean, she’d have to be on top surely?

I probably shouldn’t be such a bitch so mean these days

I’m only 2 snickers bars and a big mac away from being that lady!

Then there’s the eavesdropping

I am soooo good at it too

See, all the people in the airport right now think that I’m some high powered exec furiously typing away on my laptop to get the big report in on time

If only they knew

I’m a jetlagged comedian/wife/mother who, while appearing to be busy, is actually using my bionic hearing to listen in on them

First we have the Chinese lady to my left, who’s talking a million miles per hour on her cell phone. She’s almost crying, so I’m going to put 2 & 2 together and assume she’s getting dumped. Poor thing

Then there’s the African American coupld behind me who are totally going for it. By going for it, I mean sitting together with a jacket over their laps which can’t begin to conceal that they totally have their hands down each other’s pants. 

Nice

Lastly I have the redheaded lady opposite me also talking on her cell phone. She is bitching to her sister about getting stood up for her date last night that she flew all the way to San Francisco for. She’s vowing to give up internet dating forever now.

I’m thinking that the Chinese lady & the redhead could use a hug.

Maybe I should just walk right up and give them one.

The couple doing the groping – they’re doing just fine in the lovin’ department

I wouldn’t want them to feel left out though

So after I hug the other two, I’m going walk right up to the horny toads loved up twosome and leave a packet of tissues on the chair next to them

They sound like they’re about 30 seconds away from needing them

 

*no pics with this blog ’cause I can’t find my fucking camera my camera is taking a break