mouth vomit

So I saw something yesterday that has left me traumatized

I don’t have a photo of it

And you should be thankful for that

There’s a few reasons for the lack of visual

1) I had the kids with me and was doing everything in my power to divert their attention to anywhere else

2) I didn’t want to get caught taking the photo

3) I didn’t want to have to see it ever again – on my website, in my camera, on my computer. No fucking thank you

 

So I’m at the shops with the girls stocking up for the big car ride from hell family vacation

We’re walking out of the store and there’s a car parked right out the front in the disabled bay

The passenger door is open, and a guy is leaning over the passenger seat. I couldn’t work out if he was dead, passed out or just getting something out of the car

Anyway – this guy has got to be the biggest person I’ve ever seen in real life. I’ve seen people like him in photos and on TV, but never in the flesh

And oh-my-fucking-god was there some flesh

So big man had a pair of big, baggy shorts on

I think you know where this is heading

So I’m looking at him, but trying not to look at him you know?

And I spot this growth-thingy-god-knows-fucking-what in between his knees

You TOTALLY know what it was don’t you?

It took me a minute to realise, and when I did I actually made an involuntary ‘uurrgghhh’ noise – which was followed by a big mouth vomit that was almost too chunky to swallow

Did you guess yet?

It was his BALLS!!

HIS 3 FOOT LONG FUCKING BALLS

Big, long, hairy, double donkey sized knackers

And it was, without doubt the scariest, most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen.

Knee length balls

WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

 

And then I saw his wife.

 

And now I’m going to have to remortgage the fucking house to pay for the therapy