this week’s dear jenny

So technically this one isn’t a “DEAR JENNY”

But it IS a letter, and it WAS addressed to me

So fuck it, I say it counts

To the mother of Miss 5

You have been selected as our party mum of the month. Congratulations! We usually ask for volunteers for our parties, but didn’t get any this time, so we picked YOU! Our next class party is Halloween. There’s an envelope at the school for you to pick up. In it, you’ll find money and the contact details for some of the other mums. There’s also a small ‘TO DO’ list enclosed. We will need you to buy party supplies, food, organise a game, send a reminder home to the entire class to wear their costumes. We’ll need you to be at the school no later than 7:30am on the day of the party, to decorate and set up the food table etc for the celebration. You’re also required to stay after the party to clean up and arrange the class room back to normal. I have given your contact details to the 26 other parents of our class, as you’re now our ‘GO TO’ person for the Halloween festivities. Looking forward to meeting you next week when you come in to pick up your envelope. Regards, Elaine McDuffy, School Party Coordinator

OK Mrs McFucky, who died & made you the boss of me?

No matter, happy to help YOU NAZI

Just make sure there’s enough money in that envelope for alcohol

I’m talking LOTS of alcohol

Oh yeah, and I’d like some new shoes too

Is that in the budget?