flattery

So I’m off to the oral surgeon today

Remember when I told you that MY TOOTH FELL OUT?

It’s been a big ol’ pain in the arse since then and I’ll be sure to bitch and moan fill you in about it later

We’ll just fast forward through all the crap and get to how I was totally HIT ON at the dentist yesterday

Not at the oral surgeon, just at the regular dentist

But hey, maybe I’ll get hit on there today too

I’m AM pretty good looking

But you already know that

Anyhoooo

At the dentist yesterday, getting x-rays and all that fun stuff, and the dental nurse is completely flirting with me

Oh, did I mention it was a woman? And she was about 12 21?

I know, my HAAWWWTNESS knows no boudaries

Anyways, here’s how it went

dental assistant: come and have a seat here baby

That’s right, she called me BABY

dental assistant: are you comfortable?

She’s totally stroking my arm as she asks this. Not patting people, STROKING

dental assistant: I love your hair. Can I touch it?

me: Ummmm, sure?

So now she’s running her fingers through my hair

dental assistant: Wow, it’s so soft. How do you get so much volume in it?

me: well, I haven’t washed it in a month while, maybe that helps?

dental assistant: I just LOVE it. You’re so pretty

I told you she wants me

So I’m there for about an hour total, and in that time she says stuff like,

I’m single right now, but ALWAYS looking

You’re so happy, you must have a lot of sex (OH YES SHE DID)

I like your legs

So you get the drift anyway right?

And in the interest of equal opportunity, just so you know, if this was a guy saying all of this

I absolutely would have told him to fuck off

Equal? No

Care factor?

Zero

So she flirted, and I laid there like a stunned mullet, praying for more drugs

And then she actually HUGGED me when I left

Cuddles at the dentist?

Different

So I’m telling Diamond all about my newest best friend when I got home

And he’s looking at me like he’s pissed off or something

And I’m all like, your JEALOUS. Your jealous off the hot chick at the dentist who thinks I’m awesome

And he looks at me like I’m a complete fucktard a nutter

Jealous?

Yeah right

I just want to make sure that the next time you go there, I’m coming too

See? I KNEW he was jealous

Kind of sweet really

Because I’m your husband

Awww bless

And I wanna WATCH!