As you know, when we brought Fluffy home
He looked like this
He grew like a weed
But was still manageable
Diamond and the girls loved giving him his bath every month
It made the whole house smell like wet dog bathroom stink for a while
But we didn’t want someone else doing it
And it seemed every five minutes he grew a bit more
And then he turned one
And washing him was taking up the better part of a day by the time he was dry
And we thought fuck this shit it may be better if someone else DID do it
So I googled asked a few people and found business that sounded great
They come to you to wash your dog
AND they have a van, with a bath in it
So you don’t stink up your house anymore
I was so excited!
Fluffy was not
.
You know, for a mammothly huge mother fucker of a dog
He can be quite the pussy sometimes
The doggie wash lady even took him for a walk first, to make him feel comfortable
And then I was explaining to her how I wanted his bum trimmed
Now, don’t go getting all freaky on me
I’m not talking about a bikini wax or anything
Great Pyrenees have shitloads of fluffy hair around their bum
Which is good for abolutely nothing except getting poo caught in it
So Diamond we cut the hair ‘back there’ sometimes
Anyhoo
I was showing her where, and she touched him near his bum
And he totally growled at her
Now, the only time I’d ever heard him growl at someone before was at that fucktard on Halloween, remember?
So I’m all like, lady, step away from his butt, I think he might being going to eat you
And she’s all, but I just took him for a walk, and she looks down at him and says (in her best high pitched doggy-loving-voice) I thought we were fwiends Fwuffy?
And I swear he gave her a look that totally said, listen bitch, you took me for a walk, you did not take me to dinner or a fucking movie, and you think you can touch my arse?
Told you he was awesome
.
Needless to say, getting him to go in the van with her after that, was a complete fucking nightmare not going to happen
And I’m telling you, when a 100+ pound dog doesn’t want to go somewhere
It’s harder than a porn star’s penis to get that dog to move
So I gave up and went back in the house got reinforcements
Yep, told Diamond it was his turn
And it took some work I tell ya
Diamond was sweating like Kirsty Alley at a buffet table by the time he finally got him in there
And because of above mentioned arse touching, I advised him to stay in the van with Fluffy and the dog whisperer dog wash lady
Just in case Cujo the Fluffster got the urge to bite her hand off if she touched his arse again a bit ‘excited’
And they were in there a while
I mean, a LONG while
Like what-the-fuck-was-going-on-in-there long while
But the only moaning was coming from Fluff
He was NOT loving this at all
I left ’cause I’m a heartless bitch like that to pick the girls up from school
And of course they wanted to go straight in the van when they got home to see their Daddy dog
They were giggling in there, helping to dry Fluffy off
And when it was all finally over
Fluffy came out, strutted straight past me, PISSED AS A MO-FO
But I can handle him being grumpy with me for a while
‘Cause he looks clean, and smells AMAZING
AND the biggest plus?
My house doesn’t smell like wet dog!
But,
And you KNOW there’s always a but
Now I need to google to see if there’s someone who can come over and clean –
My husband, Miss 6 & Miss 4
‘Cause now they smell like a WET DOG’S ARSE!
.
.
.
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and to show what a soft cock baby Fluff is, he’s currently sitting at my feet – he’s forgiven me. Here’s the pic from my phone to prove it:
Whose a bwoodiful boy, whose a bwoodiful boy…That’s right… Fwuffster Fwuffy Fwuffy Fwuffster! God, he’s gorgeous!!! My Molly would hate him though…she hates everyone who isn’t me, The BIG Fella or her pups (my two 6ft-ers).
Our Dog Washer, “Daisy’s Dog Dip”, always says she’s the only female dog she washes that is really a BITCH! She starts with a “Look Molly, don’t give me no shit…you think you’re a bitch? We’ll see whose the bigger bitch”. Molly wins everytime and The BIG Fella finishes the job!