tooth scary

Miss 6 has a wobbly tooth

No biggy really

She’s already lost 2

Except both other times she lost a tooth

I was away

So I am determined to be here when this one falls out

I was worried that she was going to lose it last week while I was away

So I put supa-glue in her corn flakes

I was happy to see it still hanging there when I got back

Only it’s been ‘hanging in there’ for weeks now

I’m starting to worry it’ll still be there when I go back to work next month

So I’m trying to convince her to work on it for me

Her last 2 just fell out

She didn’t wobble them

Pull them

Nothing

That never happened when I was a kid

I remember playing with lose teeth forever

Yanking on them

Tying string around them and attaching it to a door handle

And then excitedly waiting to see what the tooth fairy would leave

Usually some money under my pillow

Diamond must have been drinking totally went to town with the whole ‘tooth fairy’ deal when Miss 6 lost her other teeth

Glitter on her pillow

A certificate from the tooth fairy

And $5 in a little silk pouch under her pillow

Hands up if you’re in touch with your ‘feminine side’?

Go Diamond

So, not to be outdone

When she loses this tooth

My plan was to dress up in a tutu

Fly through the window

With sparklers in my hand

Land on the end of her bed

With fairy makeup on (so she doesn’t recognise me)

And sing her the tooth fairy song

Which I totally need to finish writing

I’m nearly there

First it came loose

Then you finally lost your tooth

I’ve flown for days from the south

Thank Christ that bloody tooth came out

I was going to make the space

And just punch you in the face

But that’s not very nice

And I’ve already been to jail twice

Being someones bitch behind bars is scary

When you’re a sweet little tooth fairy

But then before school today

Miss 6 tells me that Sara from her school just lost a tooth

And the tooth fairy left her a Barbie Doll

How cool is that Mummy?

And WAY less work than the whole get drunk dress up – get a ladder – fly threw the window – break my fucking neck – sit on the end of the bed – scare the shit out of her – serenade her – clusterfuck that I had planned

So while Barbie might be a fake titted, plastic, slutty, bad role model