converting

So, I’m thinking about converting

To a different hair colour religion me thinks

I reckon being a Muslim might be the way to go

Sure, it’s not the most popular group going right now and my Dad would never talk to me again

But before you get excited, I need to clarify right fucking now

That if I do decide to sign up for this

There is no way I’m getting my pink bits trimmed circumcised

OK?

Good

So, I’ve been rethinking my whole opinion of the Muslims – or the Moosies as I like to call ’em

I used to see the Moosie women as suppressed and victimised

But there’s something to be said for just grabbing a sheet on your way out of the house

And chucking it over your head

No more bad hair days

No more time wasted at the Revlon counter

Well, except for eyeliner – you have to show off what you can, you know?

And who gives a shit if your shoes don’t match your clothes

Who the fuck’s going to know?

The kids might have trouble picking me out when I pick ’em up from school but they can always just walk home anyway, lazy bastards

But, here’s where I’m totally sold on it

How about the whole, your husband can have as many wives as he wants shit that the Moosies have got going on?

I used to be so opposed to that, as a woman

And thought it was degrading

Like, if your husband REALLY loved you

He’d only want you and no one else

But you know what?

It’s be kinda cool to share the load

Bare with me on this one

Let’s just say, for shits & giggles

That I let Diamond have 6 other wives

Then he’d have one for every day of the week

There could be cleaning wife

Cooking wife

Manage the house wife

Deal with his family wife

Take care of the kids wife

Head job wife

And then there’d be me

Hot wife

With fuck all else to do

How sad

I could totally be lay-on-my-arse-all-day-wathcing-telly-wife

Bring that shit ON mutha fucka

I need to be getting me one of those burka thingies STAT! in size buffallo

Praise be to ALAN

Or ALLAH

Or whatever

.

Who’s with me?