So how was your weekend?
Ours was OK – busy
But good
We actually have an extra day off today
Because neither of the girls have school, kindy, preschool, dance, art, girl scouts, drama, music or any of the other shit that I was a lunatic for signing them up for
NUFFIN!
And we had a shitload of snow last night
So it’s a perfect day to put the girl’s snowsuits on
And lock them outside for 6 hours
What?
I’m going to feed them
I’ll throw a sandwich and a juice box out to them at lunchtime
They’ll probably just go to the neighbours house and beg for food AGAIN be fine
TRUST ME!
Miss 6 has been proudly telling anyone who’ll listen that she got a ribbon for her artwork at the Girl Scout’s art show on Saturday
4th place!
I think there may have only been 4 people that entered in her age group but don’t tell her that
I got a RIBBON MAMA!
And it’s PURPLE!
So all is right in her world
So we followed that up by going out to deliver all the Girl Scout cookies that I hadn’t eaten yet our neighbours had ordered
This Girl Scout shit is HARD work man
Where’s MY ribbon? for fuck’s sake
So, as I was too knackered to make lunch a treat, I took them to McDonalds afterwards
Yeah, that’s right
McDonalds on a fucking Saturday
I’m a genius aren’t I?
It was arsehole kid central
Mine were OK because I threatened them with death no toy from the happy meal if they fucked up were shits too
Aaaah the power of empty threats
Some of those kids in the playground thing they have there are brutal man
And they travel in packs
And totally lay into each other
You’ll be happy to know they I busted up one little asian street gang
Average age 5
But those little fuckers were evil
And I actually went up to their mother, I picked her out ’cause she was the only Asian looking adult in the room
I’m like, your monster kids are out of control lady. They’re beating each other up over there, kicking each other in the head. And you’re just sitting here texting on your phone. Try being a parent dude, and go and sort your little Bruce Lee wanna-bees out
Yeah, I sure told her
And then she says, those aren’t my kids. I’m here with my daughter and she’s in the bathroom
Go ME!
I look around to see the midget Asian gang walking out with their caucasian mom and dad
Adopted?
Probably
Fucktard?
Yes I am
I don’t take back what I said not really, anyway
I just wish I’d researched my target audience more thoroughly
Anyhooooo
Then we headed off to church to confess my many, many, MANY sins
Without Diamond again
‘Cause he’s SOOOO busy putting back together my kitchen after deciding it wasn’t big enough and knocking out A FUCKING WALL
So there was me and the girls
They look like they’re praying hard don’t they?
I’d bet money that they were both praying for the same thing
Dear God
Please make Daddy take a long time finishing our kitchen so that Mummy won’t be able to cook in it and then we have to eat McDonalds all the time. But only take away McDonalds – ’cause Mummy is not really good at behaving herself in the playground there – so we should just do the drive thru
Amen