Put on a pair of thongs this morning and nearly threw up on myself
And by thongs, I’m talking Aussie here
That’s flip-flops to my U.S. mates
And my Pommy mates
Well, I’m pretty sure it’s never been warm enough to wear them over there
Just so you know, they are SUMMER footwear for people too lazy/cheap to buy/wear real shoes
‘Cause dude, my feet were in BAD shape
I’m talking lifetime members to skansville
Grody to the MAX!
So I decided to dust of some of my vouchers I got a while back, for the local nail place
And hoped they’d still be valid 2 years later
This is something that I would usually do on my own
Go to the nail place at the mall
Comfy massage chair
Warm water for my tootsies
Coffee
Magazine
Little snooze
But Diamond was working his arse off doing some tiling around the house
And being the champ that I pretend to be am
I was all like, SURE.…..I’ll take the girls with me
While inside, I was thinking about all those women I’d seen before
At the nail place with their kids
And I would stare at them, all what the fuck lady – you’re paying for your TODDLER to get a manicure?
Money to burn dipshit or what?
And this reminded me of all the other times that I may have been a little judge-y about peoples parenting methods
BEFORE I was a parent
Back when I knew fucking everything
So today, I was going to be one of THOSE women
Taking her 2 little girls into the nail salon
And I told myself that there was no way I was going to pay for them to have their ant sized fingernails painted
They could just sit and watch me do some colouring or read a book
I had the best intentions
Then we got there
And the lady that runs the place’s little boy, goes to school with Miss 6 and she was all, let me do their nails, they’re so cute – but I was all, well no ’cause I’m trying to prove a point here that I think women that get their little girl’s fingernails done are fucktards and I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I am SOOO the opposite of a fucktard – but then Miss 6 & Miss 4 looked at me with those oh my God is it too late to get another Mum ’cause this one invented embarrassment pleeeease can we get our nails painted and the boss lady was all, it’ll only be $5 and I’m like $5? for both? well OK then cause my gift certificate will totally cover that ’cause you’ve been such good girls and I’m feeling a bit awesome today…
Short story?
I caved
We all got our nails done
You know what’s scary?
They were SOOO excited
Like Disneyland excited
WAH?
Does that mean I’m one of ‘those’ Mum’s now?
‘Cause Miss 6 asked if we could go back & do it again
And I said SURE
When you get a job
And I suggested, well, I’m a really good nail painter
Next time I’ll do them for you at home – for FREE!
She just gave me that uuggh you’re a DORK woman GAH – I give up look
So I think I may have screwed myself
But I have a plan
I’ll tell her that if we’re going to start doing ‘special’ big girl ‘girly’ things together
We have to do ALL the girly things together
I reckon if I took them ONE time to the beautician
To observe the clearing of the forest that is my vajay jay a bikini wax
They’d be all about staying home and watching the shit out of Sponge Bob
.
Hah!
I win.
That sounds like a perfect day : ) I wish I had a little girl to take for that! So fun! Isn’t it great how excited they get about little things! That is the best.
and PS Of course you can’t do it at home and be as cool as the nail ladies 🙂
The joy of having girls…so nice to be able to do things YOU enjoy together…No wonder my nails were only good for socks ‘n gloves…