deliverance

Many of you may remember this tweet

I didn’t, in fact order him a PURPLE one

But I DID have him believing that I did

I am easily amused

I actually ordered him a regular, and VERY nice banjo from America

So I had it sent to my house in Chicago, ‘cause they didn’t ship to Australia

Then I brought it to South Africa with me to give to him

All was good

Until I arrived in South Africa

And my luggage arrived

Minus the banjo

Shit

So I walked around the airport asking all sorts of official looking people what should I do

Was there paperwork I could fill in?

Could they track it?

I kept getting told to wait

So I did

I waited for an hour

Still no banjo

But in that time

All the other passengers had collected their luggage and left

And as I flew in on the last flight of the night – the staff started leaving too

I was trying not to get nervous

I knew I was being picked up by the tour promoter

But I was worried that he’d be out in the arrivals area, thinking that I’d missed the flight, ‘cause I hadn’t come out yet

And he’d leave

Then I remembered that I didn’t have his phone number

OR the name of the hotel

Because I’m a genius

And the airport got emptier & emptier

Like, creepy empty

I finally found a guy who helped me fill in a lost luggage form

I could have kissed him

But I didn’t because well….you know, it was a really long flight and I hadn’t brushed my teeth

And ’cause of the whole ‘husband’ thing

So when I went to leave, the doors were locked

And I may have gotten a little frighties & weed in my pants a little

So this guy ended up walking me out a side door

I finally found the promoter standing by himself in the arrivals area

Patiently waiting for me

Thank Christ

I had visions of me having to sleep in the empty airport for the night

No food or water

No toilet – ‘cause they were locked

No INTERNET

Like an episode ofSurvivor

The Johannesburg Airport edition

If I’d have known that I would arrive here without having to go through security

Or customs & immigration or sniffer dogs (because they’d all gone home)

I so wouldn’t have thrown out my stash of snack food on the plane

But it all turned out fine

If you don’t count the missing banjo

We’re all hoping it shows up today

‘Cause I hate it when Dad cries

UPDATE:

It arrived

So, crisis averted!

He’s a happy boy

And has locked himself away in his room ALL day

And wants us to believe he’s practicing the banjo…