pat downs & poking

Over the last few days Twitter & Facebook have been all a flutter

Over the new TSA regulations

The TSA being the Transportation Security Administration in the USA

You know, the security peeps at the airport with the wands & the (usually) grumpy faces?

Their new regulations are introducing the use of more thorough pat downs in the screening process of passengers

As someone who flies a lot

I go through airport security checks several times a month

All year ’round

Look, I don’t know anyone that loves it

But it’s just part of the deal if you want to travel in this day and age

And up until now, I’ve never really had a problem with it

I even went through one of the body scanners for the first time at San Francisco airport last month

It wasn’t a drama at all

I walked in, stopped for 3 seconds

And walked out the other side

The TSA officer on the other side got the all clear on her radio

Obviously from whoever is off a the room somewhere looking over the scans

I think he radioed in something like, “…..the hotty midget with the massive ta-tas is clear!”

But from what I understand, the TSA’s new regulations will allow their security officers to REALLY pat you down

If there is no body scanners (which don’t show if there’s any weapons etc up your woo hoo anyway)

Or if you refuse to go through a body scanner

Like, up your skirt if you’re wearing one

Feeling over your breasts

And grabbing men’s lunch box packages

All in the name of being more thorough

There’s even footage doing the rounds of a 3 year old getting a pat down that has people up in arms

I watched it – and it doesn’t seem over-the-top at all

(others may see it differently)

I’ve traveled with both my girls since they were babies

And they’ve been taken out of their strollers

Been woken up so they can walk through the metal detectors

Had the wand waved over them

And yeah, even been patted down

The truth?

They loved it

Thought it was all a part of the big traveling adventure

The only time it really pissed me off was when a fucktard in a TSA uniform asked me to demonstrate that the machine with the big battery & tubes coming from it

That was in my backpack

Was in fact a breast pump, not a bomb

I think that Diamond threatening to “…sue his mother fucking ignorant arse for sexual harassment and being a cunt….”

Got us out of that one

But I think if you do anything often enough, like go through airport security

You’re bound to come across the odd wank-stain every now and then

But in light of these new, more aggressive pat down methods

I think I’d have to ask the question before I’d let you pat down one of my daughters again

“Will you be touching their genitals?

‘Cause that is NOT going to happen”

You’d best be finding another way to search my kid

Or we’ll be walking to Australia

And while we’re at it – when was the last time a 5 year old American/Australian citizen tried to blow up an aircraft?

I know, that opens up a whole shit storm of racial profiling

But fuck, common sense would say that works doesn’t it?

There are exceptions to every stereotype

There ARE blonde, blue eyed terrorist wannabes out there

But I’d hazzard a guess that more than 90% are not

So why not make educated decisions when screening passengers?

Not just 1 out of every four

How about leaving anyone under 10 the fuck alone?

And the Grannies

‘Cause that demographic don’t have a large presence with al–Qaida, me thinks

So does my opinion make me racist?

Please

Common sense is drowning under the weight of political correctness

And if my opinion is not PC?

Then I’m xenophobic

A bigot even

I read about two women refusing to have a body scan due to their religious beliefs

They chose not to fly, rather than go through the screening process

That’s their choice

If I chose to travel while wearing any sort of baggy clothing, whether for religious or comfort reasons

That could easily conceal weapons, explosives etc

I would expect to be rigorously and thoroughly patted down, scanned and screened

I wouldn’t consider myself being discriminated against

It’s just common fucking sense, isn’t it?

I really don’t give a fuck what the PC brigade thinks

I don’t value their opinion any more than they value mine

At the end of the day, airport security is there to keep us travelers SAFE

Why not prescreen people?

Have the chip in their passport give a detailed background of each passenger

If you have nothing to hide, I don’t see how it’s a problem

I wouldn’t care – the government knows everything about me anyway

Your background check etc would give you a resulting score out of, say 10

10 being the person you do NOT want on your flight

Lock that fucker up

I’d like to think that I’d be a 1

There’s not too many Australian married mums of two, who say fuck for a living, signing up to be suicide bombers these days

At a stretch, my threat level might be a 2

But that’s more about what plane food does to my farting frequencies

Than my affiliation with terrorists

I agree that yeah, sometimes it’s inconvenient to go through airport screenings

Do we need them to be more thorough?

In my opinion, no

I think we need to be smarter about who we screen

But if I have to go through the more rigorous process, then so be it

I have no problem with a security officer just doing their job

Go ahead and fossil for firecrackers up my vajay-jay

And check my boobs for bombs

Can I get dinner & flowers first?