I was up at stupid o’clock yesterday
Woke up to wee
My brain switched on, it does that occasionally
And that was it
Couldn’t get back to sleep
Mind you, at least my mind was working on important things like
Don’t forget to get dog shampoo
Awesome
Totally life or death shit
And then this morning
Around the 2:55am mark
I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet
Lie
It was actually the thud, stomp, crash of Magoo coming into our room in the dark
Tripping over the ottoman then my slippers
Ever the attentive Mum, I pretended I was asleep
Hard to do when she stomped her way over to my side of the bed
Put her face up to mine so that our noses were touching
She whispered in that ‘yelling’ way that kids do
“Mama, I have a cwamp in my weg!”
OK, get in
This is the part where I ask all those parents who have their kids sleeping in their beds
Co-sleeping is it called?
How the FUCK do you do it?
They say it’s good for bonding
Not in my family
Getting kicked in the face by a five year old in Sponge Bob PJs
Doesn’t fill me with the warm fuzzies
It makes me grumpy
In their own beds, my kids go into a coma
And stay in the one spot all night
In my bed they’re like cracked out midgets on a sugar high
It’s non-stop wriggling, kicking, and toes in ears
In their own beds
They’re angelic when they’re sleeping
In mine they’re possessed with the spirit of epileptic she-devils
It’s not that Diamond and I don’t have a big bed
We have a huge bed
With tonnes of room
But as soon as one of the girls gets in it
It starts to feel like 3 squirrels trying to get comfy on a maxi pad
Not. Doable.
So once Magoo was all settled in the middle
And her weg was wubbed ’til the cwamp was gone
Diamond got up and went in her bed
I laid there and thought about important things
Like stocking up on coke zero and chocolate ice-cream before Dad gets here next week
Then I got up
It was 3:24am
It’s now 6:12am
I’ve had 3 cups of tea
Folded laundry
Made lunches
Wrote out a set list for next week’s show
Answered 26 emails
Wrote a letter to my Nanna
Plucked my eyebrows
Mastered angry birds on Diamond’s iPad
Put on an exercise DVD
Ignored exercise DVD
Painted my nails
Made scrambled eggs
Rambled on here for 10 minutes
Now I’m just waiting for everyone else to get up so I can go back to bed
It’s been a long fucking day already
Just be grateful Magoo’s favourite sharing the bed with mummy position isn’t what we call the lay across. Obviously, it starts with her lying across the bed, however I always seem to end up with her legs clamped down on my throat. It’s quite ok darling, Mummy doesn’t need to breath……
She rarely shares the bed lol
fuck ’em!
x
Look at the bright side…Sharing a bed due to Cwamps is far more tolerable than a tummy ache and waking up in vomit…THANK GOD those days are behind me!