good morning and good night

I was up at stupid o’clock yesterday

Woke up to wee

My brain switched on, it does that occasionally

And that was it

Couldn’t get back to sleep

Mind you, at least my mind was working on important things like

Don’t forget to get dog shampoo

Awesome

Totally life or death shit

And then this morning

Around the 2:55am mark

I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet

Lie

It was actually the thud, stomp, crash of Magoo coming into our room in the dark

Tripping over the ottoman then my slippers

Ever the attentive Mum, I pretended I was asleep

Hard to do when she stomped her way over to my side of the bed

Put her face up to mine so that our noses were touching

She whispered in that ‘yelling’ way that kids do

“Mama, I have a cwamp in my weg!”

OK, get in

This is the part where I ask all those parents who have their kids sleeping in their beds

Co-sleeping is it called?

How the FUCK do you do it?

They say it’s good for bonding

Not in my family

Getting kicked in the face by a five year old in Sponge Bob PJs

Doesn’t fill me with the warm fuzzies

It makes me grumpy

In their own beds, my kids go into a coma

And stay in the one spot all night

In my bed they’re like cracked out midgets on a sugar high

It’s non-stop wriggling, kicking, and toes in ears

In their own beds

They’re angelic when they’re sleeping

In mine they’re possessed with the spirit of epileptic she-devils

It’s not that Diamond and I don’t have a big bed

We have a  huge bed

With tonnes of room

But as soon as one of the girls gets in it

It starts to feel like 3 squirrels trying to get comfy on a maxi pad

Not. Doable.

So once Magoo was all settled in the middle

And her weg was wubbed ’til the cwamp was gone

Diamond got up and went in her bed

I laid there and thought about important things

Like stocking up on coke zero and chocolate ice-cream before Dad gets here next week

Then I got up

It was 3:24am

It’s now 6:12am

I’ve had 3 cups of tea

Folded laundry

Made lunches

Wrote out a set list for next week’s show

Answered 26 emails

Wrote a letter to my Nanna

Plucked my eyebrows

Mastered angry birds on Diamond’s iPad

Put on an exercise DVD

Ignored exercise DVD

Painted my nails

Made scrambled eggs

Rambled on here for 10 minutes

Now I’m just waiting for everyone else to get up so I can go back to bed

It’s been a long fucking day already


3 comments

  1. Just be grateful Magoo’s favourite sharing the bed with mummy position isn’t what we call the lay across. Obviously, it starts with her lying across the bed, however I always seem to end up with her legs clamped down on my throat. It’s quite ok darling, Mummy doesn’t need to breath……

    She rarely shares the bed lol

  2. Look at the bright side…Sharing a bed due to Cwamps is far more tolerable than a tummy ache and waking up in vomit…THANK GOD those days are behind me!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *