four weeks in one post….because I’m lazy

Forgive me Father for I have sinned
It’s been more than a month since my last confession blog post

Over a month?
How’s THAT for fuckery?!?

It’s been a HUGE month too, with so much going on
Including long stretches of time with no internet. Hello outback Australia!
OR, internet that wouldn’t allow me to log onto my own website….deeming it restricted, unsuitable….as in, PORN.
Go me!
Add to that, the usual dose of lazy and Nanna naps
And you get a neglected website with more than 400 unanswered emails
Whoops

So, rather than catch you up on the last 4 weeks in bits and pieces
(Although, if you follow me on FACEBOOK, you’ll be kinda up-to-date on the ins and outs of my traveling freakshow)
I’m going to attempt the LONGEST post in history (I could divide it into installments, but I’m pretty sure I’d be all, come back tomorrow for part 2! And whoops…it wouldn’t be there)
So Imma give it all to you in one foul swoop

With a bazillion pictures….because a picture’s worth a thousand words
That I won’t have to write
Huzzah!

Grab a brew
And make sure your scrolling finger is warmed up….
Here’s hoping you have unlimited megabytes on your home internet or phone
Or you may just want to log out now and take my word for it
THIS WILL BE…..L-O-N-G.

Once upon a time
Here we go!

The girls and I flew out 2 days after they finished school for the year
Yep, three months of school holidays…and it’s FINALLY summer in Chicago!
So we went to Australia
Where it’s winter
Genius, no?

Can I just say, thank you to the God of low maintenance children
Who decided to make mine the easiest, most fun little people on the planet to travel with
And also Dallas airport
That has special ‘family’ rooms that you can have to yourself
Which is such a fab thing to have on stopovers
So your kids can run around, watch movies, take their shoes off
And in Magoo’s case, fart without judgement
And then….THEN!
They slept on the plane
I think they were so worn out from the excitement (they’d been counting down the days until this trip for  7 months) they zonked
Yes!

When they woke up, we were getting ready to land
And there was only 2 people in the universe more excited than them about this Australia trip
Nanna and Poppy!

Want to make your parents love you even more?
Give them grandchildren

And that was the start of the whirlwind trip of how-much-can-we-squeeze-into-every-single-day-for-the-next-three-weeks-without-killing-ourselves?

First stop….the beach
That was ALWAYS going to be first on the girls’ agenda
Macaroni was confused
“Nanna, I think winter means something different in Australia than it does in Chicago”

I wonder if one day they’ll realise that not all Nanna’s can race you on the beach
And win
I mean, their own mother can’t even do that
Well, I could
I just don’t want them to feel bad….*ahem*

Then for me, it was time to get to work
Not that you can really call it work

I got to play at some of my favourite places…..Geraldton, Collie, Northam, Cowtown
It’s towns like these, where the shows are wild, and the people are real
That I really love to get back to
It makes the Kalgoorlie girl in me shine
My peeps!

Then Heiny and I headed off to Sydney for a show
In Bomaderry
FYI – it’s pronouced BOMA-DERRY
I asked some people, ’cause I thought it was BOMB-A-DERRY

Apparently not an appropriate question to ask the TSA agent at the airport
Then it was back to W.A.
And off to Lancelin, for a few days with Mum, Dad and the girls

Where Macaroni and Magoo got their first official boogie boarding lesson
From the local expert
Their Nanna

It went well
Except for when it didn’t

But man, did they love the shit out of it

For two city kids, they sure love the beach
Although Magoo reckons the salt water tasted like hamster pee
Alrighty then..?

Poppy bought them new bikes, which is the preferred method of transport when in Lancelin

Did you know you can get a DUI on a bicycle?
I know!
Now they tell me.
Live and learn.


Then there’s Chucka
Which is short for Chucka Browneye
Mum and Dad’s spoilt rotten, completely awesome chocolate lab
Him and Magoo were pretty much inseperable the entire trip
She asked if we could get him U.S. citizenship and bring him back with us
“…we could say he’s my brother”
Yeah, good luck with that.

Then it was back to Perth
And some family catch up time

With my brother Trav and his beautiful family
There was music

Jamming in the kitchen
And then, we had our first ever FAMILY WII DANCE-OFF

I’m not ashamed to tell you that I lost
Badly
To my brother
Who can shake it like Shakira

If he ever decides to hang up his pilot’s hat
He’s totally got a future as a stripper
In Thailand

The next night we did it all again
With my BFF Sammy and her family

It was nuts before the first bottle of wine was even opened
I’m not even sure what Dad was doing in this one

But it turned into a dog pile pretty quickly

Then my Goddaughter schooled Macaroni and Magoo in the art of piano

Then WE jammed

I’ve never had the chance to do that with her before

And man, she is one talented little vegemite
Of course, she probably inherited that from me
Or not.
But if I was ever looking for a good investment slash retirement fund
She is it

Then once again, it was time to head back to work
And anyone that knows me, knows how much I suck at changing guitar strings
Did you know you can actually put them on upside-down?
Yep….done that.
Dad took pity on me and changed them for me
It was a fair trade though….I cooked him dinner
OK, I was actually cooking ME dinner, and shared it
But whatevs, my git-fiddle got restrung!

This part of the work trip was in the Northern Territory
And holy-shit-hot-sunsets, is it gorgeous in that part of the world

Small towns
Even smaller planes

But I still managed to do some retail therapy
You’re welcome Diamond

And how’s this for a sunset over Darwin?
Yes, it’s taken as we’re landing during the ‘please turn off all your electronics’ part of the flight
What a rebel I am

We had another incredible night in Humpty Doo
Where Sammy and I ran into one of my cousins
FYI, I have family ALL over Australia….literally
No matter where I play, I never go more than 2 or 3 shows without running into a relly

Then it was Groote Eylandt, where the only advantage of having a 7am flight
Is landing a 8am with nothing to do ALL day
Except this…

Can you feel my pain?
This shit is ROUGH I tell ya

So rough that there were naps to be had
But….BUT….this was after an 8pm show
Then an 8am show the following morning

Back to Darwin then off to Gove
For the last show in the NT

Meanwhile, back in Perth
The girls were cruising up and down the river, seeing the sights
From Poppy’s boat
That he let them drive
Because sweet-Jesus-do-grandparents-have-any-rules??

One of the highlight for the girls was going to visit the cemetery where my Pop, their great grandfather, is buried

And if a cemetery can be glorious
This one is

It’s a beautiful, peaceful place
With wildlife, particularly kangaroos, everywhere
Amazing

Then they were back to Lancelin
without me!

More beach time
Chucka time

And they even squeezed some time in with my Uncle Terry
Who they call Uncle Icebox
‘Cause he’s ‘SO COOL’
Yes, he came up with that name himself

Of course, there was more boogie boarding

More incredible west coast sunsets

Then back to Perth again
Where we decided to get all of Mum’s family (bar about 12 I think?) together for a picnic
What a great idea it was to meet outdoors
Especially when they’d called for non-stop
Brilliant idea….that I possibly came up with

Didn’t matter though
The girls got to see their second cousins and meet some extended family for the first time

And I got to see the coolest lady in my life
My Nanna
We did a jailbreak out of the nursing home for a few hours
And may have snuck her a beer or three
She is truly fucking awesome
And I couldn’t adore her more

Back to Perth
More music
Dad should totally release a children’a album
I shit you not

The (clean) songs he writes for his grandkids are so, SO good
Although, if that gets out, it might ruin his reputation
The sunsets from Mum & Dad’s balcony never get old

And no two are the same

***ARE YOU STILL WITH ME? …..TOLD YOU IT WAS GONNA BE LONG**

I even had a chance to throw in a girls night out
With my Mum, her sisters….and all the daughters, my cousins
This was the first time we’d all been together like this
The photo may look innocent enough
But all I can tell you is I woke up with a monster hangover, a bag full of casino chips, and one missing shoe
Good times?

The girls got a chance to experience  some Aussie rules footy
Thanks to their cousin, who is pretty bloody good at it, even-if-I-do-say-so-my-unbiased-self

And of course, more Chucka time

While the whole trip was better than great
For me, seeing my Nanna was always going to be what I looked forward to the most
More than that, was my girls getting to spend time with their great-Nanna
Or as they now call her….their GRANNA
She may be old
She may not hear or see so well anymore
But every visit was full of laughter

The girls taught her how to high-five
While she questioned why they ‘talk so weird’ (not many of her grandkids have American accents apparently)

There were staring competitions
Which Nanna won every time

And the wheelchair races?
Talk about waking up the neighbours!

If you can judge a holiday by how much laughter there is
And how exhausted you are at the end of every day
I’m talking, belly hurts from laughing
And passing-the-fuck-out at night knackered

Then this will be a holiday my girls will remember forever
And not just because I took 2,400 photos
See, this post COULD have been longer!

As much as the leaving kills us all a little
We know there’s always a next time
And the kids will actually get to see Mum and Dad again next month, when they come to the U.S

So the goodbyes weren’t as rough as they could have been

The roughest part, for me
Was flying the girls back to America
Meeting Diamond at Dallas airport

Handing them over

And watching the 3 of them board a flight to Chicago without me
(while I jumped on another plane and flew right back to where I’d just come from)
I know, suck it up princess
I did….and I am.

But….BUT!
I am now back in Oz….hello jet lag QUEENSLAND….and 2 shows into a three week tour with Dad

Now, I won’t promise….but I reckon I might even blog a bit while I’m out here on the road
I KNOW….more than one blog in a month?
I think I sort of feel a competition or giveaway coming up too…..hooly dooley!
Get excited!

Also, if you made it all the way through this never-ending post, and all 74 (yes, seventy four!) photos
Grab a beer
You bloody earnt it.