proof of life

You guys have been enquiring lately about Eva
Concerned that I’ve only been posting pics of Fluffy because he’s my favourite

So yesterday I posted a pic on my Instagram page
Proof of life, if you will

And you guys were all, YAY, she’s alive!
But that talk quickly turned to, hang on…that pic could be an old one. Maybe Jenny’s tricking us and Eva really is buried under a pile of snow in the backyard thanks to Fluffy

So you asked for a another pic, only this time with the date on it, as proof
Like a kidnap victim holding up a copy of the newspaper
I think you guys don’t trust me for shit watch too much Law & Order

Not only do I not get the paper delivered...I’m not sure I even know where to buy one anymore
I know Zappos don’t sell them. I checked. But I did find boots….agh boots!
Anyhoo, I’m all about getting my news online
So I figured I’d just use my iPad, showing the date
With Eva sitting nicely next to it

First shot, she had her face in Fluffy’s bum
Where all good naps are taken

So I idiotically woke her up
And tried to get her to sit still for the pic

Have you ever tried to wrangle an ADD toddler having a seizure?
Taking Eva’s pic is exactly like that, but with more sneezing
I told you I was allergic to her, right?
I know
She’s the gift that keeps on giving

Turns out, she likes the taste of iPad
Add that to gym shoes, pool tables and ukeleles, and you have Eva’s balanced diet of, I’m only interested in chewing on stuff worth more than $100!
   

I finally got her to sit still
And as you can see by her utterly pissed off expression
That was done by holding her by the collar
I know, how DARE I restrain what is meant to roam free and shit under the piano
I expect a visit from the RSPCA any minute

Truly she is getting better
I think she has grown out of her crazy puppy years
And is now smack-bang in the middle of her methed-out teenager stage

As I finish this post, she’s looking at me through my office window
And she’s scratching on the glass to be let back inside (it’s below zero out)
She does this ALL. DAY. LONG.
Let me out!
Let me in!
Let me out!
Let me in!
It’s like arsehole version of Groundhog Day
It’s also the 10 seconds per day max, that I am the boss of her
And she’ll do anything I ask

If I leave her out their long enough, maybe she’ll revarnish the pool table legs and UNstain my office rug…

.

.

.

.