To all the boys I’ve loved before
The ones I’ve sung Bastard to
Picked on
Laughed at
And generally used as my play things when I’m doing a show
It is with (some, but not a lot of) sadness, that I regret (a bit) to inform you
That you’ve been replaced
Yep, I’ve upgraded
Please try to understand
Don’t be upset
Don’t do anything rash
Unless being rash involves sending me flowers, or food
In that case, rash away!
It’s just, well…
I call him Slinky, but his given name is Turtle (don’t ask)
Maybe it’s his cute attempt at a Pirate’s of the Caribbean beard
And the fact it looks more like four sad, stray braided pubes
Or the fact that all the shit I threw at him last night
Stuck to him like that can of Jim Beam to his palm
And he was such a top sport about it
So, for now, he is the new ‘chosen one’
Until tonight’s show, anyway