staying young

We checked into our hotel today and it’s awesome

Huge, fancy and very old

There’s some amazing history behind it blah, blah blah

Suffice to say, it’s incredibly luxurious, and we love it

Downside?

We call it GOD’S WAITING ROOM

The people that come here are ancient!

Upside?

I’ve found this awesome way to look young, hot & desirable

Interested?

Of course you are

Well, I discovered it today, and it’s my fountain of youth

You ready?

OK

So, you go into a gym

Not just any gym

It has to be one like the one at our hotel today

Where not ONE person in there is under 80

It’s octogenarian heaven

You get the drift?

You walk into the gym and EVERY geriatric head is going to turn really fucking slowly in your direction

And all the old perves men in there are going to smile at you

This is how it went for me today

There was probably 7 old buggers in this gym

Doing God knows what, ’cause these fuckers boys could hardly walk!

So then this one old, old, OLD (did I say old?) dude, with bitch tits that had ME jealous, walk over

Fossil: Well hello there young lady

Me: (trying not to piss my pants laughing) Hi

Fossil: What brings you to our little gym

Me: A desire to stop wearing maternity clothes and high cholesterol

Fossil: Well let me show you around

Honestly, at this point, I know I’m not even going to bother doing any sit-ups, ’cause my guts are getting a work out from hell trying not to laugh out loud at my newest best-est mate

He was such a cutie

In a gray, saggy, smelt like powdered milk kinda way

And you have to admire him

Little dude was strutting his stuff like he totally was in with a chance

I’m still laughing my arse off as I type this

So he says,

You have a wedding ring?

Me: Indeed I do

Fossil: My wife died 3 years ago. We’d been married 65 years

I told you dude was OLD!

I mean, I can’t believe the blonde whore who looked at me like I was a lard arse when I walked in chick that worked at the front desk even let these old people in here. It was like an “On Golden Pond” reunion for Christ’s sake

Their liability insurance must be shit hot!

Anyhooo, old dude continued to show me around his the gym, instructing me on how all the equipment operated blah, blah, blah

And before I knew it, 45 minutes had passed and it was time for me to have a nap leave and go get ready for work

And didn’t little fossil dude’s face just DROP when I told him I had to go?

Fossil: I thought maybe you would want to watch me work out

Yeah, the wee is totally running down my leg about now

Fossil: You sure you can’t stay?

Me: No I really have to get going before you start working out, pass out from a heart attack, and I have to suck your face and give you mouth to mouth It was really nice to meet you

So I said goodbye to his sad little face and smiled at him because I totally just got out of working out as he started getting ready to use the rowing machine

And I thought about growing old with Diamond and how I hope he grows into a cute old man like my new mate

And then I changed my mind as he started rowing

Let me rephrase that

I hope Diamond grows into a cute old man like my new mate without

HIS BALLS HANGING OUT THE SIDE OF HIS GYM SHORTS!