welcome to the neighborhood

So we have some (relatively) new neighbours 

They moved in a few houses down about 6 months ago

They have a dog

It stays outside all day & night

Barking it’s arse off

I’m trying to work out a ‘nice’ way to let them know it’s driving me fucking crazy annoying 

The fact that it wakes my kids up at least once a night is the reason I want to kill it not letting them get a good night sleep, and therefor making my days 43 hours long kinda difficult

I haven’t met them before so I was thinking a letter may be the way to go

Anonymous of course because I wouldn’t want to  go to jail for threatening their mutt’s life embarass them

Plus I’m a chicken shit

I would love any suggestions you guys may have on how to word it as we’re all aware that I’m not the most tactful girl around

In saying that though – I think I’ve done pretty well so far:

Dear New Neighbours

A belated welcome to our great suburb

We’ve noticed you have a dog

What a coincidence – so do we!

We love our dog

Do you love yours?

If you do, could you please let him inside every now and then?

That would save me the trouble of coming over and kidnapping it.

Don’t panic though. I would return him

Once I’d had his larrynx removed so he could no longer bark all fucking day which does my head in, wakes my children up and makes them arseholes

I’m bitchy on a good day

Let’s not make it any worse

OK motherfuckers?

No hard feelings

Your Neighbour

PS – looking forward to seeing you at the next street party!

How am I doing so far??