you can’t make this shit up

Some people say that places like Mount Isa can be rough

And the people from here can be a bit rough around the edges too

Being from Kalgoorlie, places like the Isa feel like home to me

I’m a fan of people saying what they mean, and meaning what they say

Country towns like this are chock-full of funny bastards and cheeky characters

If you’re one of those polished city slickers with $200 haircuts & shoes that are shiny

I’m not sure you’d last too long in the Isa

In a world that’s top heavy with political correctness & everyone in a constant state of ‘watching what you say’ so as not to offend

Mt Isa is a breath of fresh air

Today when I was buying coffee, the young girl who took my order kept having to adjust her apron ’cause it was slipping off

Me: Must be nice to be that skinny that your clothes keep slipping off

Her: Yeah but it’s a bastard that I gotta do the fucker up so tight that it cuts into me bladder and I gotta piss every half an hour

Bet your local (city) coffee barrister doesn’t open up to YOU like that when you pick up your morning brew!

Then while I was waiting for the coffee at the end of the counter I couldn’t help overhearing the two ladies next to me sharing the details of their sex-apades last night

Lady 1: Well, was he good?

Lady 2: He was alright

Lady 1: I reckoned he’d be good when I seen him in the pub

Lady 2: He was alright

Lady 1: Why just alright?

Lady 2: Well it was good and shit, and we was having fun but then the arsehole went and pissed on me

Lady 1: He pissed on you?

Lady 2: Yep. And he didn’t even ask me first

You KNOW I had snot come out of my nose after hearing this. ‘Cause she wasn’t mad that her fella pissed on her. She was dark ’cause he didn’t ASK her first.

I told you you couldn’t make this shit up

Then Mum & I headed over to a little beautician to get our toenails painted. Because mine look like arse, plus I’m trying to take my mind off the fact that my laptop blew up yesterday. And I no I don’t want to talk about it. Warranty you ask? Why yes, I totally have one of those. Of course I do. It expired TWO FUCKING WEEKS AGO.

Anyhoo

At the beautician, the young nail technician was telling us that she had been to see the show last night

But after spending an hour in her company, I’ve decided she could have BEEN in the show

She was telling me how she’d just dropped her daughter at school and was approached by the Principal, who asked if she could please refrain from swearing so much

What a fucking bitch hey? Stupid slut telling me that I can’t fucking speak how I want to fucking speak. What’s the fucking world coming to hey?

And on the subject of her mother

What a fucking pisshead she is. Ask me to drop her down the pub and I go to pick up the old tart and she’s fucking legless already. I mean, for fuck’s sake Mum!

I left there pretty sure that we’re related

This town is just a fun place to be

It’s refreshing to be around people that don’t give a shit

And don’t know any other way than to just say what’s on their minds and tell it like it is

This weekend the Mt Isa rodeo is on

It’s the biggest rodeo in the Southern Hemisphere

The tourists and rodeo fans have been flooding in all week

I hope all the visiting cowboys appreciate just how unique this little place is

I already know that this is where I’m heading to when it’s time to write my next album

I think I’ll just head to the Isa when it’s time to write anything, full stop

You hang around here long enough

And the shit just writes itself