When I woke up yesterday, this was the view from my hotel balcony
Very cool no?
So I grabbed a cup of tea to keep me warm and decided to check them out for a while
Didn’t worry about a jacket ’cause dude, I live in Chicago
So while the people down below on their way to work were all bundled up in scarves and boots
I was upstairs, on the balcony, in my bikini
I wasn’t really in a bikini
I may have overstated my toughness somewhat
But you get my point
Anyway – back to the balloons
As I type the word ‘balloons’ I just had a flashback to school days
Where one of my best friends Elana
Could never say the word balloon properly
She always pronounced it ‘balloo-wen’
I used to give her a lot of shit about that
Miss 3 and the word ‘full’ have the same relationship
She’s always saying, ‘Mummy, I’m so fu-well’
And I’m all like, ‘Yeah your very cute ‘n shit, now go eat your fucking vegetables’
And no matter how fu-well she is – she’s always got room for chocolate
No surprises where she gets that from
God, I think I have ADD get sidetracked easily
Back to the balloo-wens
This one started to go down really low
Really fast
And all I could think about was,
Woah, if this crashes I’m so going to be on the news giving my eyewitness report
And re-enacting the sound of the crash like rednecks do after a tornado wipes out their trailer homes
It was all like WOOOOSH
Then a big BOOM, BAM *CKLUNKERPLOP
THUD, THUD CRAAAAAASH DUDE!
I was torn between sticking around to take photos of the impending crash
Or running inside to change out of my bikini put some makeup on before the news crews arrived
Then the balloo-wen pilot went and fucked up my breakout moment saved the day and started steering that bad boy back up where it belonged
And then he met up with his friends and they headed off into the Melbourne smog big blue yonder to live another day
And yeah, yeah, I’m soo happy everyone’s safe
And blah, blah fucking blah
Note – I totally spell checked *CKLUNKERPLOP – and that IS the right way to spell it!!
Nuffin wike a balloo-wen co-wisch-n or dis-assta to indwuce medee-ah pwosso-biwoah-teez!Zzzzzzzzzz fwuck I’m sweepy…
PS See what you do??? It’s like eating chips…can’t read one! I’m old! It’s late! Stop making me…!