Just finished the soundcheck for tonight’s show
We’d been told earlier, that this area of land
Has the HIGHEST population (per square km) of reptiles
Yes, SNAKES and lizards ‘n shit
But mainly SNAKES
SNAKES that bite
Scaley fuckers that can KILL you
SSSNAAKES!!
Where was I?
Oh yeah, so where I am, right now
And where I’m sleeping tonight
Is home to more fucking snakes than ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD
The fuck?
How come no one tells you this shit BEFORE you agree to the show
And then I see these dog-poo-picker-upper things each side of the stage
And assumed maybe they were for the dingo’s poo
‘Cause there’s bucket loads of those buggers out here too
But no, they’re there to pick up SNAKES
And put them in this
And no, I did NOT lift the lid to see if there was any in there
How could you even THINK that?
Gah, what is WRONG with you guys???
It’s like you WANT me to die.
Fucken hell, Jen, scarey stuff, huh? Luckily here in NZ, there’s no snakes! Growing up in Melbourne, when I think of the places us kids used to play in, there’s no way I would’ve let my kids/grandkids/great-grandkids play in them! Under the house, in the paddock over the creek, even the back yard. But having said that, the only snake I ever saw was a copperhead, already dead, that some kid had straddled over a street sign, and was chucking stones at it! Makes me edgy just thinking of the shit we got up to!
You will be OK. It is the one eyed trousers snakes to watch out for.
SSSSSSSSSSSShit!!! The only good sssssssnake is a dead one or a trouser snake that you choose to keep for a pet.